Two Great Nations Divided By One Language

So before we got down to business fashion-wise, I thought it would be smart to go through a few of the strange-but-true differences between American English and...well... English English.

Because although the USA and the UK share many, many things, there are times when the two nations are so wide apart that we really are, as the title suggests, Two Great Nations Divided By One Language.

It's not quite "you say tom-ay-toe, I say tom-ah-toe", but what the hell!

USA: Button-Down; in the UK: Shirt

USA: Shirt: in the UK: T-Shirt (I once asked a groovy young teen who worked for me, why do you call your T-Shirt a 'shirt?' In best nuh-uuh teen-speak she said, " It's too much effort to say Teeeee-Shirt". It's official, the future is fucked.

USA: Tank; in the UK: Armoured Amphibious Vehicle, rather like this gnarly example






OR it can mean a Vest...sleeveless, scoop-necked T-shirt, often worn by children, or wizened old codgers for an extra layer of winter warmth, as an item of underwear. Shudderingly made in 'string' for wear by said codgers. Or punks. Also worn, in solid cotton interlock, as an actual garment by those racy youngsters with toned arms.

A Tank Top is a weirdly British garment; basically a knitted Tank or Vest, it should ideally be knitted by your adoring Mother or (better still) Grandmother, and should, for real authenticity, have a few dropped stitches, dodgy colors and be made from the unravelled wool from your Dad or Grandad's oldest jumper (see below). Dimly remembered fashion history tells me that these first came into prominence during WW1, as a warm but sleeveless layer for the tank crews to wear under their uniforms, but I could be talking out of my big fat behind (see also bum, ass, below) here. Anyhow, tanks tops have a marvellously retro vibe when worn in a beautifully styled Polo ad by a stunningly chisel-jawed hunk. In real life, they are worn almost exclusively by snot-wreathed small boys or emotionally-retarded, (oooh! Guy Ritchie reference!) socially inept, living-at-home-with-their-mothers-at-the-age-of-38 kidults with bad skin and a propensity for geek-dom.

USA: Sweater; UK: Jumper, whereas, USA: Jumper; UK: Pinafore.

USA: Vest; UK: Waistcoat. Not Weskit. Not ever Weskit. Just so we're clear.

USA: Garter Belt; UK: Suspenders...sometimes (unnecessarily and quite horribly) shortened to "suzzies".

USA: Suspenders; UK Braces, but also, USA: Retainers; UK: Braces...see how us Brits are so marvellously economical with our language? The same word, but with two completely different meanings. Genius!

I suspect the whole garter belt/suspenders/braces/retainers confusion could be quite amusing if you were a cross-dressing dentist whose straight alter-ego was Gordon Gecko,

otherwise it's just a royal pain in the backside.



USA: Pants; UK: Trousers...in the UK, pants are strictly female underwear. Or a mild insult, as in, that (insert event, purchase or life experience here) was pants.

USA: Thong; UK: G-string, yet another type of underwear. Also known as dental floss for the bum, which is Brit-speak for ass. Which term is more or less charming, Ass or Bum? Discuss.

USA: Sportswear, which appears to mean any clothing that is not full-on cocktail, evening, bridal or swimwear. UK: Sportswear: clothes you wear to do sports in. Usually containing a dizzyingly high proportion of man-mad fibres.

USA: Active Wear: clothes you wear to do sports in. UK: unless you are an aristo, and therefore have loads of free time to indulge in sporty pursuits, Brits are largely inactive, therefore we have no 'active wear', unless you count tennis/polo/horsey/golf/rugby/cricket gear, which has been brilliantly re-packaged and sold back to us by American companies like Ralph Lauren. Score for the New World!

Finally, USA: Pasties, a stick-on hide-the-nipple device worn by burlesque dancers. And Posh Spice. In the UK, Pasties: usually, a Cornish Pasty-a pastry-encased, semi-circular savoury snack or meal, containing minced lamb, potato and carrots. Or, for the veggies, a cheese and onion version! Both equally vile and leaden on the stomach.

There are, of course, many (many!) more language anomalies between our two fabulous nations, mainly involving words for genitalia, coitus, or, more often, lavatorial functions. I'll be more than happy to enlighten you in the future...